Whether you’re a partner, husband, wife, family member, friend or doula, being chosen as someone’s birth support person is both a privilege and an important responsibility.
The support a woman receives during pregnancy, labour and birth can have a profound impact on how safe, calm and supported she feels throughout the experience. While every birth is unique, preparing for your role before labour begins can help you provide practical, emotional and physical support when it matters most.
Being a birth support person is about far more than simply being present in the room. It means understanding her wishes, offering reassurance, advocating when needed, creating a calm environment and helping her feel safe throughout one of the most significant experiences of her life.
In this guide, registered midwife Lauren Williams shares practical, evidence-informed advice to help birth partners and support people prepare before labour, confidently support a woman throughout birth, and navigate the precious hours after baby arrives.
Support people, don’t underestimate your importance during the birthing experience. This time in a woman’s life, whether it is her first or third baby, is a complex mix of emotions—anticipation, excitement, reflection, vulnerability, uncertainty, hope, and deep longing.
Stepping into the role of birth partner or support person carries significant responsibility, is a position of great trust and should be viewed as a privilege.
Being present as a baby enters the world can be an incredibly meaningful and rewarding experience, but also exhausting, particularly if labouring for many hours through the night, or even for days. Just as the birthing woman prepares for labour, support people also benefit from preparing themselves for the physical and mental demands of the journey so they can offer steady, compassionate support when it is needed most.
A birth support person is not always the baby’s other parent. Many women choose to include close friends, family members, student midwives, or doulas as part of their birth team. Whatever your relationship to the mother, your role is far more than simply being present in the room.
You should not attend a birth as a spectator but rather have a conversation with the expectant mum about why she chose you and what she hopes your role will be.
Every woman has different needs, preferences and expectations during labour. Understanding how she would like to be supported, whether through encouragement, advocacy, practical assistance or simply a calm presence, can help you feel more confident and ensure she feels truly supported throughout the experience.
You have an opportunity to actively contribute to a safe, positive and empowering environment as she brings her baby into the world.
Consider attending antenatal education sessions with the expectant mother or accompanying her to some of her appointments with her midwife or obstetrician.
These opportunities can help you develop a better understanding of labour, birth, available care options and the range of situations that may arise along the way.
Take the time to become familiar with her birth preferences and understand what is most important to her.
As a support person, you may play an important role in helping communicate her wishes and ensuring she feels heard and supported throughout the process.
At the same time, it is helpful to remain open and adaptable, recognising that birth can be unpredictable and plans may need to change.
Remember that everyone involved—the woman, her support team and her healthcare providers, is working towards the same goal: the wellbeing of both mother and baby.
Every birth experience is unique, and one of the most valuable things you can offer as a support person is to honour her individual journey without comparing it to your own.
Avoid telling stories about someone else’s birth while she is in labour or suggesting how she “should” be coping. Instead, stay present, listen carefully and support the experience she is having.
Attend antenatal education classes and clinic appointments where possible. The more informed you are about labour, birth and postpartum recovery, the more confident and effective your support will be.
Discuss her birth preferences well before labour begins, including what she would like if circumstances change.
Questions such as: “If this happens, what would you prefer?” can help both of you feel more prepared and confident if decisions need to be made during labour.
Be attentive to her emotional wellbeing in the final weeks of pregnancy. It is common for anxiety and self-doubt to increase as birth approaches, particularly in a culture where birth is often portrayed through fear-based narratives, dramatic media portrayals or difficult birth stories. Offer reassurance, encouragement and balanced information. Sometimes simply being a calm, steady presence is one of the greatest gifts you can give.
Practical preparation is equally important. Work through a checklist together to ensure key tasks are organised ahead of time, including:
Feeling organised before labour begins can reduce unnecessary stress for everyone involved.
Labour is often described as a marathon rather than a sprint. As a birth support person, your role is not to “fix” labour or control what happens, but to help create an environment where the woman feels safe, calm, supported and empowered.
Often, the smallest gestures, a reassuring touch, a quiet word of encouragement or simply being fully present, can have the greatest impact.
Stay calm and provide lots of positive encouragement.
If preparing for a planned caesarean birth, the mother will often need to remain nil by mouth for a period of time. Ensure you eat beforehand so you don’t feel faint in theatre. If labour is beginning naturally, remember that the early stages are often a waiting game. This is your opportunity to simply be present. Offer encouragement, companionship and reassurance while conserving everyone’s energy for the work ahead. Early labour can be irregular and unpredictable. Encourage her to rest or sleep whenever possible rather than focusing on timing every contraction.
One of the greatest gifts you can give during labour is allowing her to move instinctively without feeling watched or analysed. Avoid creating pressure by constantly timing contractions or commenting on how quickly labour is progressing. As active labour develops, contractions usually become more regular and her body language naturally changes.
You may notice instinctive behaviours such as:
These behaviours are often signs that her body is working beautifully.
Timing contractions may become helpful during active labour, but ultimately many women instinctively know when they need to transfer to hospital based on their own sense of safety and what their body is telling them. If needed, consider calling her midwife, obstetrician, hospital or birth centre to update them on her progress.
Once you arrive at your birth setting, help transform what may feel like an unfamiliar clinical space into somewhere that feels safe and comforting.
Small details can make a surprising difference.
You might help by:
A calm environment helps support relaxation and allows the labouring woman to focus inward.
Labour is physically demanding. Offer regular sips of water or ice chips throughout labour rather than repeatedly asking whether she wants a drink. Many women don’t feel like eating during active labour, but having small snacks available can be helpful if she is able to eat. Continue offering practical support by helping her:
Sometimes your physical presence becomes an important source of stability.
Help her focus on her breathing and encourage positive self-talk throughout labour.
At the end of each contraction, gently remind her to:
Relaxing these areas also encourages the pelvic floor to soften, supporting the natural progression of labour. Sometimes a simple reminder spoken quietly is all that is needed.
Never underestimate the value of comfort measures. Simple actions such as:
If she would like family members updated throughout labour, help communicate with them so she can remain focused. Women often speak very little during established labour. This is not because they are disengaged. Rather, the unique hormonal environment of labour allows the thinking brain to quieten while instinct takes over. Oxytocin and endorphins, the hormones responsible for helping labour progress and acting as the body’s natural pain relief, also influence how the brain functions during labour.
This extraordinary physiological process allows many women to focus deeply inward. If circumstances change and medical intervention becomes necessary, your role is to help her understand the information being provided by her healthcare team. Listen carefully, ask respectful questions if clarification is needed and allow her to make the decision that feels right for her. Your role is not to make decisions for her. Your role is to help ensure she feels informed, heard and supported.
As birth approaches, continue offering calm encouragement. She may need practical support holding certain positions or changing posture. Continue reassuring her that she is doing an incredible job. When baby is born, help bring baby onto her bare chest for immediate skin-to-skin contact whenever appropriate. You may also be offered the opportunity to cut the umbilical cord. Before accepting, ask whether she would like to do this herself. Keeping her wishes at the centre of these special moments is one final way you can honour her birth experience.
The first one to two hours after birth are often referred to as the “golden hour”. This is a special time for mum and baby to begin bonding, enjoy skin-to-skin contact and, if they choose, initiate breastfeeding.
If additional support people are present, this may be a good opportunity to step back and allow the new family some private time together to absorb the enormity of what they have just experienced.
Take a moment to simply be present.
Resist the urge to immediately reach for your phone or begin contacting family and friends. Instead, soak in this extraordinary moment. Let your baby hear your voice, feel your touch and begin to know your love.
There is often plenty happening in the birth room after baby arrives, with healthcare providers completing observations, weighing baby and preparing for transfer to the postnatal ward.
During this time, practical support can be incredibly valuable.
You might:
If you are the baby’s other parent, remember that this is your opportunity to begin bonding too.
Skin-to-skin contact is not only beneficial for babies and mothers, it also supports bonding between babies and their other parent.
Supporting someone through labour and birth can be physically and emotionally demanding.
Looking after yourself allows you to better care for the woman you are supporting.
Whenever possible:
Birth can also be an emotionally intense experience for support people.
If you feel overwhelmed or affected by anything you witnessed during the birth, speak with one of the healthcare providers afterwards. Debriefing is a normal and healthy part of processing significant experiences.
If you are her partner…
You are her home in a person.
You therefore are one of the most important people in the room, regardless of how her baby is born.
She is in love with you, not the midwife, obstetrician, doula or anaesthetist.
You.
She knows your smell.
She knows your voice.
She knows your touch.
Even with her eyes closed, your presence helps her nervous system recognise safety.
These familiar sensory cues become powerful forms of co-regulation throughout labour.
Your calm helps her remain calm.
Your reassurance helps her feel safe.
And safety matters because safety supports oxytocin.
Love + Safety = Oxytocin.
Being a birth support person isn’t about having all the answers.
It’s about helping a woman feel safe, respected and supported throughout one of the most transformative experiences of her life.
Remember to:
Your presence matters more than you probably realise.
Lauren is an Endorsed Private Practice Midwife with an excellent reputation in Brisbane for supporting women and families as they journey to—and through—one of life’s most transformative transitions. She works with a whole-family approach, preparing parents not only for pregnancy and birth but also for the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual shifts that come with parenthood and welcoming a new baby.
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