Maternal rage refers to intense feelings of anger and frustration that many mothers experience, often triggered by the pressures and demands of motherhood. This phenomenon is not a reflection of how much you love your children but rather a response to the overwhelming stress and exhaustion that can accompany parenting.
I am in no way exempt from this. One of the biggest things I have had to overcome (and am still working on) is the level of anger I sometimes experience in my journey of being a mother.
Key Factors Contributing to Maternal Rage
Sleep Deprivation
Chronic lack of sleep can significantly impair emotional regulation, making it harder to manage anger or just life sometimes! This is a hard one to control especially in the first few months of a baby’s life.
Lack of Support
Insufficient support from partners, family, or friends can lead to feelings of isolation and resentment, which can build up over time and result in an explosion of emotions. Sound familiar?
High Expectations
Societal pressures and self-imposed standards of being the “perfect” mum can be a source of constant stress. Simply not feeling good enough or in the comparison trap can lead to feelings of irritability.
Hormonal Changes
Postpartum hormonal shifts can affect mood and emotional stability and this can continue once your cycle resumes. (I know I am super emotional during ovulation and around the time of my period).
Loss of Personal Identity
The demands of motherhood can lead to a loss of sense of self, which can fuel frustration and anger, particularly when it feels as if your partner gets to resume their normal way of life whilst you’re experiencing groundhog day again and again.
Ways to Find Relief
Tips for Immediate Relief When You’re Hot in The Moment
- When you start to feel yourself becoming drained or overwhelmed, notice what you are feeling and name it. I am feeling tired/overwhelmed/angry/
resentful etc. - Ask yourself ‘What do I need right now?’ Is it a hot drink, is it 5 mins alone in the bathroom, is it a nap when the baby goes down or is it simply putting a podcast/audiobook on and listening to it while doing housework or going for a walk?
- Can I schedule something this week to look forward to? Sometimes even having something a couple days in the future can help in the moment of feeling like your cup is draining and the battery is empty.
- Lower your expectations on what you had planned to do or expected to do that day. No one can run on an empty gas tank and as Mums we are continuously pouring and filling everyone else’s.
Tips for a Longer Term Approach
Prioritise activities that replenish your energy and improve your well-being, such as exercise, hobbies, or quiet time.
Seek Support
Don’t hesitate to ask for help from your partner, family, or friends. Join parenting groups for shared experiences and support. Nothing beats mum friends to normalise your feelings and talk it through.
Professional Help
Consulting a therapist can provide valuable strategies for managing anger and stress. That’s what I love about my job, unpacking things like maternal rage with mums and helping them through it.
Open Communication
Talk to your partner about your feelings and work together to share parenting responsibilities more equally.
Remember, experiencing mum rage does not make you a bad mother; it’s a sign that you might need more support and self-care. Recognising and addressing these feelings can lead to healthier coping mechanisms and a more balanced approach to motherhood.
Anger, like all emotions, is valid and normal, so please don’t feel like you’re doing a bad job simply because you lost your temper or yelled. You are human, and it is okay. Finding (and accepting) the support you need to move through this is crucial, though. Reach out if you need some guidance on where to start, you are not alone.
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