Managing the rollercoaster of emotions in early motherhood can feel like a daunting task. There is so much adjustment, learning and surrender that is required and often very little support available to navigate the massive changes that this phase brings.
Yet emotions act like a gauge, keeping us aware of what works, what doesn’t, where our needs are met and where they aren’t. Tuning in to the emotions that arise and learning to work with them, can allow new mothers to regain a sense of control and keep overwhelm at bay.
Beware of the positivity trap
Did you know that our emotional system works in the same way as our immune system? It allows in what is nourishing and keeps out what is not. Our emotions directly impact our nervous system and making sure that they move through as needed is key to staying mentally and physically healthy.
In the realm of holistic mind/body connection, cultivating positive emotions such as compassion, mindfulness, gratitude, is often the place we’re told to start. However, I’ve noticed with my clients, time and again, that they often can’t easily access these until they start addressing the backlog of repressed emotions which haven’t yet made their way out of their system.
“Suppressing emotions takes a great amount of energy and limits access to joy as
well.” Tami Lynn Kent
In our culture, we tend to overemphasise keeping stress under check and staying
calm at all costs, even though it means repressing healthy emotional response as a
result.
Tears help us process grief and sadness. Healthy anger used as a boundary defence
helps us protect what is precious in our life, the things that matter.
Practicing healthy emotional release as a new mother
So, what can you do to support your nervous system, your mind and your heart to thrive as a new mum?
Practice healthy emotional release. Here are some ways you can do it, and by the same token, support your overall health and wellbeing.
- Put words on what you’re feeling: speak it out loud or write it down. Try not to get stuck in replaying the event in your mind. Instead, focus on identifying the emotions behind the event that triggered you. If you can, follow the sensations in your body as you describe what you’re feeling.
- Get your needs met: an unmet need will often trigger anger and resentment. We live in a world where motherhood is unfortunately not valued and supported adequately. As unfair and disheartening as it is, if we can tune into ourselves enough to identify our needs (for rest, for support, for recognition, etc.) and voice them, we can feel empowered again as we get them met. Every time you feel overwhelmed by frustration, anger, sadness, ask yourself: “what is it that I need right now?”.
- Try therapy or coaching: it can be beneficial if you’re not comfortable accessing your emotions or body sensations on your own or it there’s a history of trauma. It is especially helpful if you’re struggling to identify your needs or ask for help.
- Consider body work: suppressed emotions get trapped in the body. Holistic therapies such as osteopathy, chiropractic, yoga, acupuncture, can help release emotional blockages and support a healthy immune system.
- Use this journaling prompt: where in your life are you not saying no? A great way to gain insights into the areas where you may need to set stronger boundaries in order to address stuck emotions.
And remember the 90-second cycle! According to neuroscience, it takes 90 seconds for the chemicals released by an emotion to flush out of the body. Train your attention so that you don’t get hooked by the thoughts that keep you stuck in the emotion, but instead notice it, breathe through it and watch it move out. This short video by Dr Joan Rosenberg explains this process and I also highly recommend her
book here as a resource to support you.
If you’re keen to stay in shape mentally and emotionally, if you’re going through challenging times and need support to regain clarity, build your confidence and sense of empowerment as a new mother, please reach out. I offer introductory sessions to get to know each other before diving deeper. More about my work here.
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Maternal Instincts Massage
Maternal Instincts is an award winning pre and postnatal massage therapy service, that truly understands the specific treatments that expectant and new mothers need.
Our Postnatal treatments help to give relief to neck and shoulder tension that develops from feeding (breast or bottle) as well as back pain as a result of delivery or from the extra sitting to feed and the bending associated with newborns. We are also trained specifically in c-section scar massage to help aid in recovery.
Our treatments are fantastic at helping mums gain some much-needed rest and “me time”. However, babies are always welcome at these treatments and feeding/ skin to skin time can definitely be accommodated – especially if mum and bub don’t get a chance for much bonding at home.
At Maternal Instincts Massage we specialise in helping women regain their confidence and comfort through massage therapy and innovative treatments. Now, we’re excited to also offer you a non-invasive pelvic floor solution that can address the core issues of bladder leaks and sexual health: Emsella. Whether you’re dealing with postpartum incontinence or simply want to improve your pelvic health as you age, Emsella can help you regain control and feel empowered in your own body
Danielle Brooker, Joy Activation Coach
Danielle Brooker is a Mama, Joy Activation Coach, writer, avid self-help reader, lover of travel, adventure and exceptional coffee. Through her private coaching programs, digital courses, Mama Joy Summit, writing and podcast, Danielle teaches ambitious, busy and always-on Mamas ‘in the thick of it’ to move from the mess to the magic of this season of life.
Her signature program BEYOND focuses on the ‘forgotten season’ of motherhood, teaching Mamas to put core foundations in place to support their thriving well beyond the traditional ‘postpartum’ period. Danielle works intuitively, blending a foundation in human behaviour, neuroplasticity-based coaching and strategy, with somatic principles, emotional context work and soul practices. She shares, “I moved across the world to a new city, 6 months pregnant, in the middle of a global pandemic. All to take action towards my dreams. It was tough. And it was rewarding. I birthed my baby at home, with my partner holding me, literally.
Entering motherhood was everything and nothing like I imagined. It’s pushed me beyond any emotional capacity I’ve ever been asked to experience. I’ve been on my knees sobbing on the bathroom floor not believing I could get up again. And I’ve been bursting with so much joy I thought my cheeks would explode.
Motherhood is one of the most courageous acts. I’m here to take your hand and show you back to your place of safety and strength, so you can fully expand into this season of life. So you can live your most joyful life and feel your most vibrant self.”
She’s the author of Freedom from Busy and has written for and been featured in publications such as Forbes.com and Breathe and is on a mission for Mamas to reclaim this powerful season of life and live in their fullness. Danielle currently lives in Sydney with her daughter and partner, dreaming up the next adventure for their family.
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